Thursday, February 2, 2012

green cheese

Newt Gingrich promises that "...we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American." If I were his opponent, I would counter with "all your base are belong to us."  He also suggests that his moon base would not only be American, but that its citizens could petition for admission to the union as the 51st state.  

If so, would the Interstate Commerce clause of the US Constitution apply to space travel?  If so again, should the Healthcare Reform Act ("Obamacare") be found constitutional, lunar citizens might be subject to a federal mandate to purchase Earth-based health insurance.  If there were navigable waterways, they would also be subject to federal oversight.  Of course, there's not much chance of finding those.

Former Speaker Gingrich further promises that the lunar base would be finished by the end of his second term.  Since it would take decades to establish a lunar base with human inhabitants, the only way this could be true is if Gingrich's second presidential term occurred decades after his first term.  So, his age at the time his promise is kept is approximately 68 years + 4 years (term #1) + a couple of decades + 4 years (term #2) = 96 years.  Just barely possible, but... possible.

A can of possible worm-like aliens opens up when we consider gambling in the 51st state (Moon-braska? Lun-aho? Satell-ississippi?)  As in other US States, native America peoples will have the right to their ancestral lands.  And, as many aboriginal peoples have done in the first 50 states, native moon-Americans may want to open casinos.  Who would be eligible to make such a claim?  Well, obviously the ancestors of Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and the other ten Apollo astronauts who briefly inhabited the land, lo, these many decades ago.  Maybe they would build something tasteful, with pai gow tables featuring moonrock pieces, and very slow-motion roulette tables, in which the bouncing balls would take several minutes to settle on the wheel.  I'd put it right in the middle of the Mare Traquillitatis, to honor the original tribe.

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